Beginning Stats/ 6 weeks postpartum

Age: 24 yrs old
Height: 5'7
PrePreg weight: 176.4   
EndPreg weight: 212.2 
Current weight:  202.6
BMI:  32.6
Jean Size: 16

4monthPP Goal:175

10lbs down, 27 lbs to go!
 5monthPP Goal:165
__lbs down, __ lbs to go!
8monthPP Goal:160
__lbs down, __ lbs to go!
1year PP  Goal: 137
__lbs down, __ lbs to go!

missing, not gone

My beautiful baby girl arrived 2.10.2010 at 12:10am weighing 7lbs 2oz
I love my life as a mommy! I love my baby girl for giving me the gift of motherhood. Taking care of her feels natural, like this is who I have always been, a mother. And o boy did we luck out, she is a ridiculously good baby- so far! Shes good enough right now that mommy has time to work out everyday merely uninterrupted.

              I ended my pregnancy at 212lbs. I felt unhealthy but looking back now I did okay, not great but not horrible. I felt really fat and crappy, sore down there and I found it easy to make excuses for my poor diet and inactivity. Shameful, I know. Now, at 6weeks 5days postpartum I've lost 10lbs. A bit depressing considering some women lose 30lbs immediately after birth, I guess I am just no as lucky as those women and will have to work a little harder. I've been doing cardio, building up from 20 minutes to 40-60 min a day. I am also eating better but still struggle with binging at night. It comes down to choices now, deciding how I want to live as the person I choose to be. This is where the journey has come from pregnancy, maternal beauty to an overweight mommy determined to regain herself, her body and her life as a sexy, toned, tattooed hot mama!

Planning for the postnatal regimen

(just notes not a true post just yet)
All in all I cannot wait to enjoy all the amazing moments with my baby. A little extra weight is a very small price to pay for the wonderful new person in our lives,  with patients and hard work my body will be back to normal in no time. And better than ever in atleast a year postpartum. I have been doing and shall be continuing extensive research in the best workout and diet regimen for after baby. I have already worked fairly hard at staying healthy during this pregnancy which gives me a slight upper hand. From what I understand women are asked to wait 6 flippen weeks after delivery to begin working out, to my knowledge thats around the time when the dr will give you the green light. If that is in fact true I will be walking alot! The utmost positives about planning this regimen and a few key notes:

• Post-natal exercise speeds up the recovery process after childbirth and helps give you the energy you need to keep up with the hectic pace of caring for a newborn.
• Cut back on post partum depression.
• To fit in exercise at home, create a library of workout videos that are different lengths so you're equipped when some unexpected time arises.(done)
• Use a day planner to loosely plan your workouts around your baby's schedule.
• If you start to feel light headed and nauseous, or notice a change in the color of your vaginal discharge, you may be exercising too strenuously.

Also, I have a new found respect for a simple crunch, yes that stupid little exercise everyone hates lol. Seeing how it's impossible for me to do at all at this point I actually want to do a bunch of them! I miss having options in excercise as much as getting drunk and dancing in my livingroom!
(will edit to finish soon!)

One of a kind

The fact that some 'frienemys' find their style inspiration(sometimes life inspiration) from me is beyond frustrating at times. There's nothing like getting a new racy haircut feeling fresh n sexy only to realize some no fashion, bland personality brat who has the nerve to call themselves a friend has magically gotten the exact same cut or colorful highlights...or going all black. Or that same person magically starts taking striping classes only a few weeks after I enrolled...grrrr....It's frustrating but I've come to terms with nobody can pull of me like I can! They can steal hair cuts, hobbies, my jeans etc but they cannot steal style, my style. All the wonderful things that make me cotton candy, no one can take that from me. And when they try they are only a cheaply fabricated generic of the real deal.

 


Honestly I never thought I would be posting a picture of me(nicely airbrushed or not) it's my face, my identity but you know what? It feels like a pretty damn good way to end this entry. This is who I am.

Imperfection at her finest

I miss that feeling of walking out of the house feeling charged and owning the day instead of it owning me. Feeling as if I'm wearing fishnet stockings and 6 inch heals when all I have on are flip flops. Confidence. I miss it. I forget far to often that I may not be perfect but in my own way I am in fact beautiful to my core. I feel to dragged down to carry myself  poised, to walk with that 'emph' in every step that men desire and women envy. Knowing I should be able to feel that way but do not is disappointing. Knowing a simple TLC spa day wont be a quick fix is even more so. The weight has victimized me. Every aspect of my life lacks confidence and that just isn't me. I feel powerless. I'm a survivor, I have no need to feel this weakness anymore.

Weight of the world

        Married. Tattooed. Pregnant. Identity crisis all over again. I love being married, I love my tattoos, I love being pregnant. Surely, I love my life? Who I have become? Yet I feel the weight of the world is upon me. As our family grows with a baby growing inside me I too am growing, emotionally, in my soul and physically. Tipping the scales at 200lbs I still look beautiful pregnant, glowing, maternal. I cannot stop looking at myself, grown, a true women at her instinctive best. Yet I have grown envious of my own reflection, in just a few months the beauty I see will no longer belong to me. My reflection will only be a shell of the maternal beauty that it is.
         While love for my new daughter will overflow from my heart I know I will fall short of  having enough love for my new self. I wish I could simply say damage done, I'm a mom- all I've ever wanted. If I spoke those words I'd be a liar. A liar is not who I am. I still yearn for my svelte, toned, sexy body. My cotton candy fantasy realized. My soul mate has given me the gift to be a mommy with tattoos and a svelte, toned, sexy body. The only deterrent is weakness upon myself. I see this now.
          This is where the epilogue to my journey begins. On an uphill, 7 months into pregnancy, mentally and physically preparing myself for the inevitable 'ugly' I will be facing. Far from fearless, this time I have an upper hand, building my strength for this fight and knowing my only weakness is my own.